“Sometimes, it feels as though I do not understand the concept of love.”
The more I try to understand why it is I have moments where I wonder why it is I am going at things alone, I realize that yes, maybe now is not the time to be wishing for a counterpart that will be there for me. As luck would have it, I am not going through anything that requires attention. Though, it is in those moments when I let myself drown in a story, or go for a walk to see the nearest happy couple that I realize how much love I have to give. I’ve spent so much time looking to the future that I forgot what it felt like to just be.
I’ve been okay with hoping. I’ve understood that when the time is right for me to begin to share my life with someone, that it will happen. However, what am I going to do when I long for late night conversation with a person that shares the same interest. I used to tell myself that I may find it hard to date a writer. Now? Looking back I feel as though that is exactly the kind of relationship I may need. It is an amazing feeling, when someone shares in your craft. It allows you to reach them on a dangerous level and come out unscathed.
When we’re out with our friends, and jokingly they ask, “What is it you look for in a guy?” I’d normally give them what they want to hear. Unfortunately, now beginning an entirely new chapter in my life, it will be necessary to try to engage in conversation, meet new people, and hopefully find someone. The point is, yes, the hope that I will find someone with substantial amount of wit and passion has kept me going. We all feel lonely from time to time, and this is me evaluating my loneliness. It is okay to want something, and it is okay to look forward to what is to come. My only piece of advice is (mostly for myself is) rid yourself of the expectation that everything you want is embodied into one person whom you have yet to meet. Allow yourself to explore, and hope that when that feeling comes around, you hold onto it as tight as you possibly can.