A Mild Case of Something Bittersweet
“I spend so much time worrying that I forget to live my life.”
I know that I am supposed to say that I am having the Summer of my life. I know that I am supposed to feel like everything is somehow going to fall into place and I have nothing to worry about. What I have forgotten to acknowledge is the more I suppress the way I am actually feeling, the worse it will get. Being home in Florida is supposed to be the time where I enjoy the few days I have, do the things I want to do before University. However, it seems as though I am caught up feeling the ways in which I shouldn’t. For a long three years, I have avoided every situation that would make me face the fact that I have lost my father. On Monday Night, I was in a place that honored his memory. Of course, this is a good thing, but it did not leave me with a good feeling. I spend so much time worrying that I forget to live my life.
It seems as though I lack the simple exciting things in my life, and they replace themselves with worry. Unconventional, unnecessary worry. I feel better when I write about it, and I know that dragging myself out of this dark place is something I have done before and will continue to do for the rest of my life. What I need is something to be excited about. Yes, I have my writing, and yes I have important people in my life to somehow make things okay. I need to focus my energy on the good things in my life and stop allowing this to dictate the way I live my life. I am a healthy human being that has been given a lot of good opportunities in my life. I need to remember my father in a way that will not sadden me, I need to heed what he has taught me, and I need to allow myself to flourish. It all begins with a change of mindset, and it’ll trickle down into something beautiful. If, I let it.