“I’d like to think I’m making ample progress in ensuring I’m getting to where I want to be. That everything I’ve been trying so desperately to keep track of, will eventually pay off and I can finally feel like I’ve accomplished something.”
I like to envision my train of thought as being more a tsunami than a thunderstorm. I could try to get my thoughts together, make a plan, understand the way my mind is working, but I find myself only being able to provide quality material when my entire being is in it. When every word I write is a description of who I am, and what I’m trying to convey. I have no control over my thought process, I have no will to try to tame it. It has influenced my writing in ways I have yet to comprehend, ways I may never be able to comprehend.
I envy those who can wake up every morning with the determination to crank out a chapter, for I have those, but not always. I envy those who can sit and edit seven chapters without batting an eyelid, for those are a rarity for me. I want to get there. I want to learn how to utilize my time, how to go to bed every night not feeling like I’ve wasted the day. I want to learn how to put my soul into everything I do, and live without regret. Those are great goals, aren’t they? Are they unattainable? I guess we’ll have to find out. I know that I’ve come so far, and I’m so much more devoted to my writing now than I was a couple of months ago. For that I am thankful, and I can only hope that I can pursue my passion and understand what it really means to be a writer.