She Said, “I Want to Be Better. I Want to Learn.”
“Monday mornings have always been the kind that I never really liked when I was younger, and that’s because I was never really ready to part with my free time to take on any sort of productivity. However, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve found that on the days I allot time to relax, I’m always itching to get something done. I’ve never been one to be comfortable in one place for too long, I like the excitement of new experiences, and that’s why I began writing. I’ve been having the time of my life living vicariously through the characters I create myself, or the stories I’ve delved into. I’m never short on inspiration, I just have to allow myself to work hard. I have a constant fear, that if I begin a new project, I’d never finish. I have a constant fear, that if I make a schedule, I could never stick to it. I’ve faced both, and I’m ready to begin setting new goals.”
I woke up yesterday morning with the sole purpose of staying in bed, and “relaxing.” Let’s just say, that didn’t work out so well. I did indeed relax all day, but I can’t say that I thoroughly enjoyed it. You know when you feel like something’s good for you, so you do it, and it really is counterproductive? That’s how I felt yesterday. I have always been the kind of person that falls in love with whatever I do, I have to stay productive, it’s what keeps me happy. It keeps me content. However, everyone has those days where you feel like nothing you do is good enough, like everything just seems to be working against you. I’ve had a few of those this past week, but I’ve written them off as bad days, and moved on.
I struggle with keeping track of everything I want to accomplish, and so there’s a good chance that nothing is going to get done. Recently, I’ve noticed just how much better I’ve gotten, just how much more I’ve accomplished in such a short amount of time. Yesterday I was faced with quite a few things that would normally stress me out so much I’d find it hard to do anything else, but I shook them off. I shook them off and I’m making an effort to not let them affect all that I can possibly get done today. They were yesterday’s problems and they’ve been dealt with. (Those are words I used to find it very hard to say). It’s almost as if I’ve become someone who has begun to understand just what I need at any given time, (sometimes, I do need an entire day to take it easy). It’s important to realize what you’re feeling. I’ve spent more time noticing and accepting my problems, rather than trying to “forget” them. It has played a major part in my ability to do more with my time, and work towards all that I want to achieve later on in life.
Storytelling for me has become a part of my daily life, for I spend so much time with my characters that it allows me to then understand much more about myself than I could’ve ever really imagined. In those ah ha! moments it’s indeed refreshing to see yourself in a body of work that you’re proud of. It takes a lot for me to like what I write sometimes, but when I do, theres a certain sense of Euphoria that makes it all worthwhile. Keep at it, there’s so much more to uncover (Okay, how incredibly cliché and repetitive, but it’s true).
Finish that damn story.