“I can’t help it. I worry a lot. A lot of the time, I worry unnecessarily. Though, that doesn’t mean that there isn’t sound reasoning behind that worry. If there’s one thing I know for sure, my productivity levels are usually at all-time low when I’m caught up worrying. It can be about the upcoming midterm I may have, it can be about all the writing I’m not finding the time to do. It can be just about anything, and it’s hard for me to acknowledge that I spend all of this time lost in thought about all the things I cannot virtually change. What do I say to that I might add? Let it go. Let it all go. Take a moment, and breathe. You cannot will change into existence, that I’ve learnt. You want something, you find a way to work towards it, and you find a way to keep working.”
“I feel quite terrible when I’ve found myself with absolutely nothing to do. I need to be doing something, I need to working towards something. That is what I find utterly fulfilling.”
Weekends are usually the time of the week I allow myself a moment to breathe, a moment to do all that I wish so that I can give myself the time to deal with the week ahead. When the weekends are then too stressful, what is one to do? Allowing yourself some time to recollect, to rejuvenate, to rest will always be something that I truly believe should be a staple to any routine. I do my best work either when I’m entirely under pressure, or when I’m entirely relaxed. When I’m lost in a wayward sense of stress, there are times where I can’t seem to pull myself out of it. It’s hard not to sit around and thoroughly think about all the things that may be going wrong, it’s hard not to overanalyze. It is, however, rather exhausting.
There are times when things aren’t quite as favourable as you would’ve hoped it to be, there are times when you’ve tried your best, and things simply won’t work out. (That is how I feel about my current writing/reading schedules) I am adamant on finding the time to do the things that make me happy. I’m as determined as I was in November of last year, to get through this editing this novel and prepare myself for the next step. It is well overdue. I’ve never quite liked reading my own work sometimes, for I can be a little too hard on myself sometimes, but those are most certainly normalities. I can’t change everything, and no matter how much time I spend changing things, it won’t ever be perfect. What matters is that I am working on something that I am proud of, and that I continue to work on things that make me proud, that get me excited, that allow me a moment to really relish in what I love to do.
“So, with all of that being said, I am hereby going to chuck the stress. I am determined to make the necessary changes, and I am going to stop trying to will all of these things into existence, and actually get to work. That doesn’t start tomorrow. That starts right now.”