“Sometimes, I ask myself: “Am I in over my head? Am I doing enough to get to where I want to go? How do I know I’m not prioritizing the wrong things?” They’re all valid questions, constant questions that surface on those rough days where it just seems to be too impossible to cope with it all. This past week has been rough, full of endless responsibilities, so much so I woke up this morning physically and mentally exhausted. Though, it is in those moments that I realize how far I’ve come. I remember how easy it was to ignore all that I needed to do, all that I wanted to do, for no reason at all. I wouldn’t trade this busy lifestyle for anything, for it keeps me going, it keeps me working, regardless of how much it may stress me out from time to time. I’ve fallen into a pattern I’d quite like to keep, one I wouldn’t want to lose anytime soon. It takes some adjustment, to get back into the swing of things, and it may feel like there’s too much to do and not enough time to do it, but at least you’re doing something. Everyone needs a break, everyone needs to take a step back once in a while and give a moment to those that matter most, to what matters most.”
TEACUPS AND TYPEWRITER PRINT
He was looking for his name,
In her work,
In her words.
The untouched freedom of subtle contented love.
She wrote anew, the same echo of scalded romanticism
Of parted lips, and sweet vulnerability
Of his favorite prose.
She cleansed the sheets of forgotten mornings,
When she’d wake with eyes shut
As she dreamt slightly longer.
She wrote of all that had become of her,
When she’d love again,
As she dreamt of bandaged narratives
And mended book spines.
“He had an interest in first editions,” she said.
“In what he looks to for comfort. In what he’ll never forget.”
He housed his daydreams in all that she’d come to write
For he was her paper love,
And she was his favorite experience.
Copyright © 2017 Anisa Nasir
All Rights Reserved
“There’s a method to my madness, I promise you that. As repetitive as my progress-logs may seem, they truly bring me peace at the beginning of every week. Regardless of what time I actually get to sit down and blog, I promised myself it’d be every Monday, as late as it has to be from time to time. Things get in the way, things we can’t control. We can’t always be over prepared, we can’t always be one step ahead. However, it’s important to appreciate the effort when you do manage to finally get up again, and get back to work. Today has been a slow one, and whilst I still managed to knock a few things off of the to-do list, I’m still left with loads to do. With that being said, I’m not going to go to bed at 4 am again, I’m going to get some well needed rest, and deal with all tomorrow. Executive decisions, born and raised.”
You can’t do it all. There are going to be days when you wake up, and you just can’t. I find those days exceptionally hard to cope with because I’ve fallen in love with staying busy, staying productive, and somehow fitting an unimaginable amount of work into a few hours. I’ve learnt that those breaks we try not to take, all of that time we feel like we’re wasting is indeed crucial to good performance. It’s rather late this Monday evening, and I was half asleep before I remembered that I didn’t sit down to blog yet, I wore my athletic wear inside out at the gym this morning, and I had way too much caffeine. It happens. I’m trying to get in the habit of not making myself feel too guilty about not being able to meet the irrational-work-ethic standards I have for myself. Let me just tell you, there are days when I just want to lay in bed, and write something that no one ever has to see. That is something that I want to make a habit of doing, so that I don’t have to spend all of my time consumed by my potential editing flaws.
I always say that I’d one day be an early riser, up early to get my thoughts out on paper, then to the gym, then back to work. Needless to say, I like to sleep in. I push myself to get up and go to the gym sometimes, because I don’t always wake up wanting to go. That is being human. Sometimes, I dream about running a warm bath, and settling in with my thoughts, and more often than not, I’m too lazy to actually get up to run the bath. Showers are easier. The point I’m trying to make here is that you’re going to not want to do things a lot. It’s easy to let it all go, let it all just run its course. Though, that’s not how progress is made. I’m guilty of spending a lot of time visualizing all that I want to do during the day, and getting the minimal done. The minimal may still be a lot, but the question we need to be asking ourselves is, “Am I at least doing something fulfilling during the day?”
Making time for yourself once in a while is just as important as getting all of that work done. I’ve managed to tilt my productivity a little too far, and I’ve forgotten what it feels like to appreciate all of the little things. The little things keep me writing, they keep me creative, because they allow me to be human. Sometimes, you need that. I know that tonight, I certainly need that.
Happy Writing! (And Monday!)