“I’ve never been too keen on returning home. Surely, there will always be things about it that I miss, people I miss, and continue to miss all of the time. Though, being back home also sets me back quite a lot, in that I find myself in an endless wave of unproductive behaviour, as I struggle to come to terms with just how much has changed over the years. One reason I began to write in the first place, was so that I could feel like I was contributing something, doing something that would be positively impactful later in life, and that all began right here: at home. There’s a time when we all realize just how much we’ve outgrown, how much about our past that just doesn’t tug at our heartstrings anymore, and how much we’re grateful for each and every experience. Yes, I feel wildly unproductive whilst I’m here (in a general sense), but I feel as equally inspired. It’s quite a toss up, one I’m still not sure how to handle. This, like everything else, is a learning experience. One I can truly benefit from, if I try.”
I tried to get up, get going, get working. I unfortunately found it a lot more difficult than I usually do, and I could spend quite a lot of time deducing why that may be (even though I’m entirely sure that I know the reason). Some things never change. I’ll always remember just how I feel whenever I return home, and the undulation of emotion that comes with it. It’s not a matter of moving past what was, it’s understanding it. Since I’ve been back, I’ve taken a lot of time to lay in bed an extra hour or two, trying to feel out why I have little to no motivation to get up. We get stuck in old habits, we find ourselves lost in old, unwanted routines. It happens.
What I plan to do with the time I’m here, is try to utilize it to the best of my ability. Now, I certainly do have a lot more free time than I did before I got here, and I’m not going to let that go to waste. (It would be quite a shame if I do). There’s so much that I could channel into my writing whilst being home, and if I manage to get a handle on my spring courses, I surely could find good use for all that I’m currently feeling right now. It’s important, when faced with all that you’d rather not be a part of, that you realize just how much you’ve grown, and just how capable you are to deal with everything that’s been thrown your way.
“I began right here. I began writing when I finally understood what it meant to feel, what it meant to channel that feeling into creating something worthwhile, something I could look back on once I’ve gotten a chance to reach my goals. Those experiences taught me how to live, how to continue, and how to grow. How can I be anything less than grateful?”
Now, it’s a matter of reorganizing, of finding out which methods of action work the best, and implementing them to feed my worth ethic as best as I can. It’s never too late to begin, and there’s no use wasting time worrying or feeling guilty about all the time that has passed where you may have been unproductive. Get up, give it a go, and get working. Make the most of it.