“As of late, I’ve spoken quite a bit about the rut I’ve found myself in. I’ve spoken about how hard it has been to get the bare minimum done, and as I give myself more time to work through my newfound inability to perform, I can say that it is getting a lot better. I woke up rather late this morning, but I woke with the undeniable urge to get back to work. I haven’t felt like that in over a month, for there was just so much going on that I didn’t really know what to do with myself. As I sit here writing this, I can say that today felt productive. I can dwell on that small feeling of accomplishment I tend to hold dear, and let it thrive again. I’ve begun to notice just how much a simple unspoken fear of not being able to live up to your own expectations can truly set you back. I do believe that I can aid that even more, and allow myself the comfort of feeling like I’ve actually done something worthwhile.”
You say you’ll get it done later, and you very well might. Though, the thought of not getting it done is eating away at you, isn’t it? Harbouring that feeling will always do more harm than good. Losing sight of all that you’ve managed to build can do damage to your work ethic, and or rewrite your goals entirely. It took me a while. It took me nearly a month to get myself together, and return to having some sort of consistency in my life again. I know that there will be days that feel like too much to handle, I know that there will be days that stress me beyond belief, but I can never let it cloud all that I’ve hoped to accomplish, and all that I’ve been proud of over the last few years. We tend to overlook our abilities in light of all that we may have going on, and I’m here to remind you that: you can get it all done.
I try not to let myself dwell too much on all of the time that I’ve wasted, for that would be entirely counterproductive. What matters is that I’ve managed to regain my footing, to get up, and get working. It’s hard trying to balance everything when you’re dealing with too many inconsistent changes in your life, but you’ll find common ground again. I am constantly looking to keep myself on track, and do the best that I can with all that may come my way. It is the effort that counts, it is the drive to get up and get everything done, and the will to do all that you love even if your passion begins to dwindle a bit. I can say I haven’t written anything substantial over the last month, but that doesn’t mean that I’ll stop writing. I will continue, and like everything else, I will manage to begin again.
Spring course exams are slowly approaching, and with all the studying I’ll be doing, it will feel good to stretch my creative muscles a bit and write something that makes me feel good. It doesn’t have to be a masterpiece, it doesn’t necessarily need to be shared with the world, it just needs to feel good. That is my exact sentiment when I sit down to journal, for I know that I do not give myself any restraints whatsoever. I just let it be, and whatever comes or doesn’t come, I will do my best with what I have.