“It can be overwhelming, especially when you’re not where you thought you’d be by the coming end of the year. It’s sometimes harder to deal with that fact than it is to pick back up again and have a strict work schedule so that those goals of yours are one step closer to being achieved. This past year, upon reflection has been quite the ride. I’ve experienced so much, I’ve learnt so much about myself, my capabilities, and all that I’ve surrounded myself with. What I’d like to settle on is the idea of letting go of your fear for a while and ridding yourself of the overwhelming tendencies to lay around and do nothing so that you can feel accomplished even when your heart is not entirely in whatever it is you’re currently working on. The time has come and I can safely say that I’ve begun to get a handle on where I’m headed and what I’d like to work on when it comes to my work, my studies, and my creative process. You deserve to feel accomplished, you deserve to do what you love in the best capacity, you deserve to feel good about the work you put out into the world.”
I’ve accepted it. I’ve not done as much with 2017 as I possibly could’ve, and that is okay. There is absolutely nothing I could do about the past as it stands now, but what I can do is look towards making sure that the productivity level I am maintaining now, sticks around – for better or for worse. There are a lot of impending factors that could potentially overwhelm you, cloud your judgment, leave you unable to deduce whether or not you’re even progressing at all. However, I’ve begun to learn just how much I’ve grown accustomed to all the present changes in my life and how they’ve somehow worked their way into my ability to perform creatively. It was only recently that I realized that had been a good thing all along. I’ve begun to rid myself of the initial fears I’ve been harbouring over the last few months, and I’ve fallen in love with what I am choosing to do with my time, and that is to write.
I spend a lot of my time (and a lot of my blog posts) talking about writing, not only to track my progress, my flaws, and where I need to work on things a bit more, but it is also because the creative process itself has always been something that has fascinated me for as long as I can remember. I love the idea of being able to create something on a whim, and I’ve been doing it without the constraints of these surfaced fears for quite a long time. It was only recently that I realized how I did not get done, how much I could’ve gotten done had I planned a bit better, but it was also recently that I realized: what’s the point of dwelling on all of those minute details anyway? What matters now is what I’m putting out into the world, what matters is that I’m enjoying myself, that I’m proud of my accomplishments, and my first steps towards breaking out of my shell. I used to talk about how I just wanted to settle down and write something that was unplanned, a short story, something that could one day be part of a greater project and how I’d want to share that in a place like my blog. I never got around to it because I was too busy trying to make sure whatever I had been working on had been absolutely perfect, so it can sit in a folder and collect theoretical dust.
It is absolutely time for change, and a change that may take some time getting used to, but one that will inevitably allow me to involve myself in all that I’ve sought out, all that I long for, and all that I want to experience. Let December be a productive month full of lovely story-telling, piping cups of earl grey, and a few novels to lose myself in.
Happy Writing Everyone!