A Reflection on my Personal Narrative: “Finally 21”
“We all envision different chapters of our lives differently, and there are times when we place too much pressure upon things that have inevitably changed over time. It’s been a long time since I’ve sat down to write anything remotely personal, for I usually like to integrate it into my fiction, but I’ve noticed just how important it has become for me to really delve into what I am experiencing, and what I am learning along the way. For it is not only shaping who I am becoming, but it is shaping the way in which I’ve begun to write. I’ve put quite a lot of pressure on myself to do the kind of work I know I am capable of, and I’ve put that same amount of pressure on trying to do what I believe is necessary when all I really need is a lengthy nap and a good read. We sometimes fall out of love with what we want to do because we put too much pressure on ourselves to be the best, most productive versions of ourselves. It’s time to take a step back, reevaluate, and work towards those goals you’ve set in a way that makes sense in your life, so that you can enjoy the end product as much as the work it took to get there.”
I’m sitting here, a half hour to midnight, writing yet another blog post. The thought crossed my mind of skipping it entirely, for I know just how exhausted I currently am. I feel as though I’ve been skipping out on quite a lot lately, much of which I could very well be working towards. This sense of exhaustion just doesn’t go away after a night of sleep, it’s something that comes with taking a moment to really relax. I don’t mean laying in bed watching one too many episodes of your favourite television show, and procrastinating all of things that really do need to get done, but there are times when it is okay to turn it all off, and give yourself some time to rest. I didn’t have the most productive Monday, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not going to have a wonderfully productive week.
It can be hard to get up in the morning when there’s nothing you’re truly excited about doing. Surely, you understand that you must attend class, do your laundry, and clean from time to time, but everything can certainly get a bit mundane and repetitive quite quickly. There are still days where I get a wonderful surge of inspiration, and in turn let my creativity run wild, and have fun with what I’m creating. Though, there are also days where I just don’t know where to begin, where the to-dos and all of the planning becomes a little too overwhelming, and in turn not much gets done. This past weekend, I turned 21, and I took a moment to really think about what I thought my life would be like at 21 when I was merely 16 or 18 years old. I had so many plans, I had the will to do the absolute most to work towards the things that mattered to me. Do you ever stop and think, “what happened to that girl?” She says she wants the same things, she puts in the effort from time to time, but what is it that’s holding her back?
I’d say that I stumbled upon an epiphany somewhere over my birthday weekend, but what it really comes down to is the focus on what I want to accomplish in the next year of my life, and maybe, just maybe I’ll be able to have something to show for it. I talk a lot about change, but I don’t talk quite as much about all of the things I’m doing to make that change happen. All I want to do right now is to take things slowly, to work a little at a time, and give myself what I need to succeed. Let the writing commence, and let the progress run its course. It’s about time.